There is nothing quite like riding on
the back of a motorcycle, its freeing.
Its something I’ve been missing a lot
lately, more so than I could explain to myself. I see a bike or even
a picture of one and I can't help saying “UGH I want to ride!!!!”
so much to the fact I made that very comment to a friend of mine and she
said “why don’t you learn to ride then you can go whenever you
want”. This thought, while logical, held no interest to me. It took
some time but I realized the reason I was as opposed to the idea of
doing it on my own was, I like the feeling of being on the back, for
those few hours or however long the ride lasted, I wasn't in charge,
I had no responsibility for where we were going, how fast, the
traffic around us or the route we were taking. None of that was a
decision I had to make. I realized I love the feeling that someone
else was taking charge and taking care of me and after years of
living alone and taking care of myself, my house, truck and bills, it
was a feeling I didn't get often and I cherished it. I wasn’t even
aware that was the reason I cherished those memories as much as I
did, I always associated it with the person I was with or the time in
my life but when I crave the ride its not those things I miss its the
feeling of being taken care of, not being in charge. The freedom.
Recognizing this and being OK with it
was a lesson I've been slow to receive. My independence and self
reliance is something people typically praise me for and while I
didn't really see a choice in the matter and didn’t do it for the
praise it got me, it became part of who I was rather than what I was
doing. I thought it was a good thing, a positive attribute but I
recently and reluctantly realized it was a quality God was trying to
break me of. I didn't see it coming to be honest but He was trying to
humble me from my mind set of not NEEDING anyone. A concept I wasn’t
fond of. He started by making me realize how much I needed Him, this
I was OK with and accepted easily enough really. It was the concept
of needing other people that took some time. It took a loss and for
God to show me I needed the people HE wanted me to have to help take
care of me and it took some major humbling.
Now when I say take care of me I don't
mean I get to lay on the couch with no responsibility
and have someone get me this, buy me
that, pay my bills. Its a give and take and its more about the
release of control and breaking the thought that I have to do it all on my own to
prove that I can, who I'd be proving it to I have no idea. I realize
how much I desire someone to take that drivers seat. My fear is I
learned this lesson too late.
Not too late for God though. He wants
to be the one behind the throttle with me on the back. He wants me to
give it to Him, sit back and trust Him. There are times I will have
to hold on a little tighter and know when to lean into the curve but
all in all He just wants me to trust Him about where we are going,
how fast, what route and He will worry about the traffic. Sounds easy
right? I'm getting there and knowing its OK to let go of that control
and that’s its what He wants, helps a lot.
Live to ride!
Be blessed and be kind to one another
~Brandi
But He said to me “My grace is
sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that
Christ's power may rest on me.
Corinthians 12:9